Category · Minimalist division
Ghost Wipe Legend
In a field obsessed with magnitude, the Ghost Wipe Legend reminds us that sometimes the most impressive performance is the one nobody has to discuss. This is World’s Biggest Poo’s quiet, faintly spiritual honour for the contestant who entered the arena and left it as if they had never been there at all.
What the committee means by “Ghost Wipe”
A Ghost Wipe performance, strictly in World’s Biggest Poo lore, is one where the contestant reports flush confidence near the upper bound with a description that is so understated it borders on monastic. No incident. No aftermath. No need to remake the bed of any hotel. The cleaner is not troubled. The cleaner does not even know.
What makes a Legend
- Flush confidence ≥ 95% — but still written as if it didn’t matter.
- Short duration — Legends are efficient, not ceremonial.
- Minimalist prose — ideally one sentence, maximum poise.
- Zero references to plumbing — Legends do not acknowledge plumbing exists.
Previous entries the committee remembers fondly
“Arrived. Departed. Nothing to see.” — Captain No Trace, Japan
“A composed exit. The room was returned as found.” — Lady Bogsford, Wales
Ghost Wipe versus the Biggest Poo of the Day
The two awards are almost opposites in spirit. The Biggest Poo of the Day rewards magnitude; the Ghost Wipe Legend rewards absence. Legends almost never also take the daily crown — their scores tend to be medium on impact and extraordinary on composure. The committee considers this balance to be the point.
How to enter
- Go to the homepage submission form.
- Keep the description brief. One sentence is already too many.
- Set flush confidence honestly. Do not oversell a near-Legend.
- Wait, with dignity, for the committee’s unspoken nod.